Attachment Styles and Counselling

Attachment styles were first conceptualised by John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. They provide valuable insights into interpersonal relationships and formative experiences that shape an individual's attachment patterns. In counselling, the understanding of attachment styles is really important. It informs the counsellor about the client's interpersonal history and relationship patterns, contributing to the understanding of the client's current issues. Additionally, it allows counsellors to anticipate potential challenges in the therapeutic relationship, such as difficulties with trust or emotional intimacy.

Attachment styles are categorised into secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized.

Secure Attachment

Clients with secure attachment styles are typically more comfortable in therapy as they can easily establish trust with their counsellors. However, counselling can still be beneficial for them to help them process life stressors, understand themselves better, and enhance their coping skills.

Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment

Individuals with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style tend to be preoccupied with relationships and may experience heightened anxiety around rejection or abandonment. Through counselling, these clients can work on their fears and insecurities, learn to self-soothe, and build a stronger sense of self-worth that is independent of others' validation.

Avoidant Attachment

Clients with an avoidant attachment style often struggle with vulnerability and emotional intimacy. In therapy, they can slowly and safely learn to connect with their emotions and express their needs. Therapy provides a consistent and non-threatening environment where they can gradually challenge their discomfort with closeness and start building more satisfying relationships.

Disorganised Attachment

Individuals with a disorganised attachment style often have a difficult time forming and maintaining relationships due to unpredictable past experiences with caregivers. Counselling can provide them with a stable and predictable environment where they can learn to trust others. This process can help them understand and process past traumas, develop healthier expectations of relationships, and improve their ability to regulate emotions.

In therapy, clients can gain self-awareness and understand their patterns of attachment. They can also learn to recognise how their attachment style might be impacting their current relationships and explore new strategies for approaching interpersonal interactions.

A counsellor’s consistent, empathetic, and non-judgmental presence can offer an opportunity for the client to experience a secure relationship, potentially challenging and reshaping their internal working models of self and others.

If you would like to gain insight into your patterns of relating to others, feel free to enquire further at 07831 678754 or info@kremismithcounselling.co.uk. I am available for an online or face-to-face counselling session in Tunbridge Wells.